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About this whole blogging thing. It’s not easy to produce good content and it’s even harder to find the time to write. The Insider Award nomination, in addition to being flattering and humbling, gave me the continued encouragement to keep writing, keep sharing and keep telling my stories. It might be about something as non-businessy as chivalry being dead or something with strategic insight like my opinion on why Kodak failed. I sometimes start writing and think, “who the hell cares about my opinion on <insert topic, rant or rave>?!” and then I tell myself, “write, dammit.” And so it goes. I am thankful that I started my blog back in 2008, even tho I had no idea what I was going to say. My first blog post was published just a few days after being laid off (for the first time) and realizing that social media was at the center of getting on my feet toward what was next. I always say that things happen for a reason. Had I not been laid off, maybe I would never have started my blog. If I hadn’t started my blog, I wouldn’t have a soapbox for my rants and raves. And, without my soapbox, there would be no BostInno Insider Award nomination. And here we are. Thanks for the nomination, guys. I am super-psyched.

PS: If I’m lucky enough to have you as a reader of my blog, I’d love your vote…#imnotworthy

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I walked out of an elevator with a bunch of guys the other day and not one of them stopped to let me go first. Like a herd of testosterone pouring out into the lobby. Yuck. I walked into an Au Bon Pain just a few days later and the guy in front of me, not only doesn’t hold the door, but doesn’t even offer to let me go ahead of him. Pathetic.

"He opened the door! Wow!"

It’s all so annoying because I grew up in a family where the men always treated the ladies like ladies – whether you were 5 or 50, your door was opened, you entered first and you were always looked after. What the heck happened?

I have a few hunches.

First, some guys never learned the simple rule: “Ladies before gentlemen.” I must say this to my 5yr old son 5 times a day. But it’s working and he now repeats it to my 8yr old daughter on the few occasions he remembers to let her go first or hold the door. But he’s 5 and learning and not a 35 old who should know better.

Second, some guys just don’t see a lady as someone who should be treated special. I believe this is also taught somewhere along the line and is a tragic trait to pass on. Not much to say here other than these are the guys that will end up very alone.

Third, it’s a cultural thing. Part of me says that I get this and believe it and part of me says it’s a cop-out. Maybe it’s cultural in YOUR country or if you just moved here a week ago…But if you’ve lived here for 15 years? I’m not buying it. I will say that I work with a team of Japanese men who are some of the most hospitable and courteous men I have ever met. They stand when I enter the room, they wait for me before they start walking or talking, they hold the doors and open them. That may be cultural but it is also chivalrous. I thanked my friend Masa the other day when he offered to carry my bag for me and I said: “Chivalry is not dead!” He had no idea what that meant. Case in point. He was just raised that way.

Or maybe feminism screwed us. I was discussing this topic with a friend of mine who said that he was raised to open the door and be chivalrous but that some girls feel like it’s sexist and don’t want their doors opened and want to do it all on their own. How confusing for a guy! As I thought about it, I couldn’t help but think how kind of bananas that is. I am the first person who believes in women’s rights, bringing home the bacon, frying it up in the pan, being strong and independent and all of that jazz but at the same time, I fully embrace the wonderful gift of being a woman. I don’t see a man opening the door as a sign that I’m weak or inferior, I see it as a polite gesture and one of respect for a lady. Oh, and I always say thank you.

So, what’s the deal, guys? It’s not that hard to help a lady with her coat or open the door – it’s called being a gentleman and paying attention. If you want the 101 on how to open a door for a woman, check out The Art of Manliness blog. Love it – especially the Man Skills section. Can we get more manly men, please?

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When you are deep in the cycle it is hard to see beyond your task list, your kids school project, that thing your boss asked you to do, the thing you volunteered for that you have no time for, a family obligation…whatever it is, it is easy to get bogged in checking things off the list and trying to move the ball forward. I have come to realize that I’ve never really lived for the journey…that is until now.

Image by Victor Shaw

You may be saying – “Well, who does!” We all have the pressures of life that make it feel impossible to live for the long and winding road. But, why does that stop us? It hit me hard because, for those of you who know me, my motto has always been “carpe diem” – but as I really look at it, seizing the day has always been about a goal – a vision in my head that I want to achieve, something I desire badly or want to/need to experience. My life hasn’t been about seeing where the road can take me…it’s been about how I’ve paved the road up ahead. The past year has been one of gentle winding roads that lead into hairpin turns – never really knowing what will be waiting around the corner. When you are used to controlling every bit of where your life goes, it’s hard to say: “Today, I am going to let it roll. See where the road takes me. Experience what life throws my way.” It’s like my personal demons sit on my shoulders and tell me: “Shelly, baby, that is crazy nonsense – you can’t possibly handle all of that uncertainty!!” Well, to my personal demons, I tell you that you are wrong. I am thankful for this past year’s roadtrip – it has helped me live for the journey and not for the stake in the ground that I planted 500 feet down the road. I will always be ambitious, vivacious and, as my mother says, “A girl who reaches for the stars.” But I am grateful to have spent the past year enjoying the winding roads and steering through the cliff-dangling turns only to find myself on the other side with my hair windswept, my lipstick slightly messed-up and my joy for living more present than ever. I have learned a lot about my short-comings, things that make me human and things that I need to – want to – improve. I have learned that what makes me happy is subjective and may actually make another human being mental. I have discovered that only I can be me and cannot expect everyone else to do everything exactly the way I would do it. I have learned to believe in myself and to shrug-off my own self-doubt and insecurities and let my energy shine through. It has been a year of tremendous personal growth – I have felt the thrills of the big wave and the calm of the perfect sea. I would not change it for one moment. It has made me who I am and propelled me forward on this fantastic journey called life.

And this I call joie de vivre. It is a step toward experiencing the under-rated art of living. To taking in every experience, learning, growing, sharing, and feeling a sense of completeness in your journey. Knowing that there is always more but choosing not to project manage and plan every step. Instead, letting life come your way, feeling grateful for the people who love you and make you better and always knowing that, around the next turn, there is something new to learn.

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I remembered meeting Leah Busque, founder of RunMyErrands, a while back at a TweetUp and went their website, which is now TaskRabbit. So, I tweeted for some recommendations on cheap, good errand-running services because I hadn’t used one before. Several people recommended TaskRabbit so I decided to give it a whirl. TaskRabbit’s website was super easy to use and worked great from my iPhone (there was an app for that but the web interface was so easy I didn’t realize it till after!) Simply put in the task, name your price and off you go. My task was published to the TaskRabbit runners and within about 5 minutes, Joe was ready to fulfill my task and named a price lower than my price ceiling, which was great. He sent me an email, I gave him the details and 45 minutes later, my task was done. The best $22 I ever spent!

Come to find out the runners have all been background-checked by TaskRabbit and will do pretty much everything from mow your lawn to pack your house to pick up a dog and deliver it to you (true story). Until I have my own little guy in a grey suit, TaskRabbit will fit the bill. Highly recommend.

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Carpe diem.

It’s not just an aphorism. Or an overused Latin phrase. To me, it is how I live my life every day. And it means something very special to me. I believe that life is short and at any moment it could be over. Done. Finito. Sure, it’s kind of morbid, but how differently would you live your life if you started to think about what you want to do, need to do, long to do NOW versus what you want to do but are going to do when you retire? Or when your kids are older? Or when you have more money? Or when work is less crazy? Whatever it is, you’re going to wait and my point is…don’t wait.

Seizing the day is really about being present. Living in the moment for the moment. Being aware of all that life has to offer. I am a very passionate person and, at any second in time, my head is whirling with about 20 things I’d like to be doing right at that second. Riding a zip line in Costa Rica. Watching the elephants on a Safari. Running the marathon. Driving cross-country. Learning to play the guitar. Re-learning how to play the piano. Practicing yoga. Learning French. Shopping in Paris. Going to a runway show. Are you tired yet?? That’s just what I thought of in the 2 minutes it took me to type:) It can be really frustrating to have to push some of those thoughts aside because the reality is, well, the reality. But, I focus on the things that make me happy. And the things that might not make me happy, but make other people happy (yeah, gotta work on that). And the things that make me feel scared (but in a good way). And the things that challenge me to be a better person. And the things that delight me (chocolate, cupcakes, cheeseburgers, pizza, and the list goes on;). And the things that make me grow (great friends and family, new experiences). And the things I’m passionate about (my style biz, my work, life). And the things that complete me (my kids).

So, I challenge you to think differently about 2011 and, rather than focusing on short-term changes that you will most likely abandon…focus on the things in life that make you happy and make you want to get out of bed every day and feel like you can take on the world. It’s your life. What are you waiting for?

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She also has nine lives, a French-Canadian temper and the gift of advice.

There have been many years in my life where my Gram’s advice has been shrugged off and deemed an extreme pain in the ass. But, as I’ve gotten a little older, I’ve started to listen more to what she says. Believe me there are times where her advice can go too far like one Thankgiving dinner where the topic of her advice was “pleasing your man is the key to a healthy relationship.” That was a winner. There are also those times she discusses the merits or lack thereof with abortion, same sex marriage and other highly controversial issues. She also has the tendency to quote her good friend Dr. Phil, who says things like “it takes two to tango” and “love only grows when it’s fed and watered.” Got it, Phil.

But then there are times like today, when I call her to check in and see how she’s doing and her advice really resonates with me. She always asks me about my job. She thinks it’s amazing that I have a career and am a mom – something women didn’t do in her day. She always asks about the kids and how they are liking school, what new things they are doing and interested in. We got to talking about my daughter’s desire to take piano lessons. And her words of wisdom flowed from the piano.

As I mentioned before, Gram never took lessons. There was no time and no money. If you wanted to learn how to play the piano, you taught yourself. She started talking about kids these days and how they can’t focus on anything, have too much distracting them and get things too easy. She talked about melody and harmony and how the melody is important but the harmony can really make the song. It is made up of two different tones but when they are played together, they make magic. She told me about practice and how her sister hogged the piano all the time so that she could get better at the piano and, guess what…she did. My Gram gives her credit for that. She talked about priorities and how you decide what’s important and what’s not when you decide which notes to play and which ones just clutter up the piece. She talked about passion and how she loves nothing more than playing her piano and how it is her greatest passion and takes her to new places and back to ones she will never forget. She talked about how life is like playing the piano. There are times when you sit down to play and it’s all wrong. The piano is out of tune, your ear doesn’t hear the song, you can’t remember the words. Then there are times when you play a song people haven’t heard in years and you light up the room and are on cloud nine. There are times when you remember a song and feel sad or play a song and laugh and sing and hold hands. Regardless of what you feel, every time you play, it’s different.

My interpretation of her advice is pretty simple.

1. Differences can often be the perfect compliment.

2. You can only master something if you practice.

3. Focus means prioritizing. Prioritizing means deciding what not to do.

4. Having a passion in life is a gift.

5. Having a life that has ups and downs and in betweens is just life.

Thanks, Gram, for sharing your endless advice. I might not always appreciate it, but I always listen and am starting to finally see the wisdom.

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Michelle’s 5-layer Spooky Dip

Layers (bottom to top):
Refried beans
Homemade guacamole
Shredded cheese
Refried beans
Sour cream

Ingredients:
2 cans Refried beans
4 ripe avocados
1 vine ripe tomato
1 bag shredded Mexican cheese
2 containers sour cream
Garlic salt
Onion powder
Cayenne pepper
Salt and pepper
Fake spider

Guacamole:
Start by making the guac first. Half avocados, remove pits and scoop out of peel. Slice and put them in a large bowl. Mash well with a fork until chunky but smooth. Dice tomato and add to avocados. Add to taste: onion power, garlic salt, salt and pepper, cayenne pepper. Stir well and set aside.

In a large glass bowl, begin making the layers. Start by spreading one can of the refried beans at the bottom. Next, layer the guacamole on top of the beans. Bring all layers to the edge so you can see the colors thru the bowl. Next, layer on the shredded cheese. Then layer on the second can of rectors beans.

Now it’s time to make the spider web. Take a small ziplock bag and cut a small hole in the corner of the bag. Load the sour cream into the ziplock and zip shut. Hold bag like a pastry bag. Starting at the outer edge of the bowl. Make full circles, about 1/4 inch apart ending at the center. Using a chopstick, start at the center and pull the chopstick toward the outer edge of the bowl. Continue around the bowl in small, uniform sections. Clean up the edges of the bowl with a damp papertowel. Place spider or bug at the center.

Serve with tortilla chips. Serves 8-10 ghouls.

I’d love to hear if you like it! Also let me know if you modify the dip as I love trying new things. Happy Halloween!

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And I always ask myself, should I answer the questions with the details and the honest answers? Or do I pare it back and obfuscate the issue?

My decision with my kids is to give them as much as they can handle. Typically, my 7 yr old will ask a series of very detailed questions. I always answer the questions with truthful, simple answers. I don’t use alot of words or fancy jargon – she’s smart but she often can’t process it. Or if I do use a word she might not understand, I stop and ask if she knows what it means. I think we often take for granted that our kids know what the hell we are talking about when alot of the times the words we use ramble on without meaning. Stop and explain it in one word. She gets the benefit of learning a new word and understanding it in context at the same time. My philosophy is that she will stop asking questions when she has gotten her fill of the answers. I tested this out tonight.

I tried dumbing down the answer. Her: “What’s wrong with Ms. A?” Well, she’s sick. Her: “Sick like with a cold?” Her tummy hurts a bit. Her: “What do you mean? Like throwing up sick?” No, a little different than that. Her: “Is something wrong with…gulp…the baby?” The baby is okay but Ms. A just needs to rest for a few days. Her: “Why? Is the baby going to be okay?” We hope so. Her: “What do you mean…

Can you see where this is going?

What happened next is I said, her body thought it was time for the baby to come out but it’s too early. Her: “Why did her body do that?” It just happens sometimes. Her: “Can the baby live if it comes out too early?” There are lots of things they can do to help the baby if it comes out early but it’s better if the baby stays in the mommy’s tummy and finishes growing there. Her: “Is the baby going to be okay?” They need her to rest and will give her some medicine to help the baby and mommy be okay. Her: “Wow, that is sad for Ms. A. I hope she feels better.

Amazing.

What would have dragged on into 20 more questions was simply answered in 3-5 questions requiring thoughtful, detailed and simple answers. I was thinking about this conversation after my daughter went to bed and realized it’s a very simple lesson in the art of clear communications:

1. know your audience

2. convey the message in as few words as possible

3. anticipate the questions they’ll ask and work them into the message

4. get to the point fast

5. help them make a decision and move on

That’s how I see it. I believe in transparency – as much as a kid can handle. Jack once said “You can’t handle the truth.” But maybe they can?

Tell me…do you serve up the truth? How much do you tell?

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Yesterday, I ran my first 10k. Let me preface this by saying, prior to three months ago, I didn’t run. Sure I would run on the treadmill one of the few times I made it to the gym (that’s another story). But I was not a runner. I had no desire to run a race, no desire to run outside in sub-zero weather, no desire to finish something I couldn’t win. Then, my sister asked me to run the Hyannis 10k with her. I casually said yes, which turned into me saying I was doing it on Twitter and Facebook and, next thing you know, I was preparing to run my first race. HOLY SHIT. I don’t run. Especially in the freezing cold on a Saturday morning when I’d rather be eating pancakes, drinking my coffee and reading the paper. But I was committed so I started to train. I ran. I started slow and ran 3 miles here. 4 miles there. I could feel my lungs getting stronger. My legs running faster. Then I started my Saturday long runs of between 6-8 miles once a week. I am still amazed that I can actually run this far. The first time I ran from the North End, across the Mass Ave bridge and back, I couldn’t believe that I had run the equivalent of a 10k! Then I started to really look forward to my weekend runs. I downloaded new music and set up my playlist, got some crazy cold weather gear, started eating Goo, began tracking my miles and progress with RunKeeper (highly recommend!) and started to feel the buzz of a runner.

Yesterday came and I will admit…I was nervous! Sure, I had run over 6 miles for several weeks but I’d never run a race. I’m competitive. I don’t golf because I suck. I can be a sore loser. I don’t like to lose. But this was different. It was just about finishing. Crossing the finish line. That’s all I needed to do. With my sister (who totally rocked the race!) by my side, I ran all 6.2 miles and crossed the finish line and got my first medal. I was proud of my sister and proud of myself for finishing.

I ran over to see my family and my daughter said, “Mommy, you got the medal! Does that mean you won?” I explained that I didn’t come in first place but that I finished the race. She spent the rest of the day telling me that it was okay that I didn’t win because I did the best I could and finished what I started and that maybe I would win next time. Well, I guess it all comes back around.

For those of you out there who have never run a race, I highly encourage you to give it a go. It’s amazing what a goal can do for your personal commitment to finishing something, even if you don’t win. It was liberating, humbling and thrilling. All I could think of as I crossed the finish was….hmm, maybe a half marathon…and another medal.

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