And I always ask myself, should I answer the questions with the details and the honest answers? Or do I pare it back and obfuscate the issue?

My decision with my kids is to give them as much as they can handle. Typically, my 7 yr old will ask a series of very detailed questions. I always answer the questions with truthful, simple answers. I don’t use alot of words or fancy jargon – she’s smart but she often can’t process it. Or if I do use a word she might not understand, I stop and ask if she knows what it means. I think we often take for granted that our kids know what the hell we are talking about when alot of the times the words we use ramble on without meaning. Stop and explain it in one word. She gets the benefit of learning a new word and understanding it in context at the same time. My philosophy is that she will stop asking questions when she has gotten her fill of the answers. I tested this out tonight.

I tried dumbing down the answer. Her: “What’s wrong with Ms. A?” Well, she’s sick. Her: “Sick like with a cold?” Her tummy hurts a bit. Her: “What do you mean? Like throwing up sick?” No, a little different than that. Her: “Is something wrong with…gulp…the baby?” The baby is okay but Ms. A just needs to rest for a few days. Her: “Why? Is the baby going to be okay?” We hope so. Her: “What do you mean…

Can you see where this is going?

What happened next is I said, her body thought it was time for the baby to come out but it’s too early. Her: “Why did her body do that?” It just happens sometimes. Her: “Can the baby live if it comes out too early?” There are lots of things they can do to help the baby if it comes out early but it’s better if the baby stays in the mommy’s tummy and finishes growing there. Her: “Is the baby going to be okay?” They need her to rest and will give her some medicine to help the baby and mommy be okay. Her: “Wow, that is sad for Ms. A. I hope she feels better.

Amazing.

What would have dragged on into 20 more questions was simply answered in 3-5 questions requiring thoughtful, detailed and simple answers. I was thinking about this conversation after my daughter went to bed and realized it’s a very simple lesson in the art of clear communications:

1. know your audience

2. convey the message in as few words as possible

3. anticipate the questions they’ll ask and work them into the message

4. get to the point fast

5. help them make a decision and move on

That’s how I see it. I believe in transparency – as much as a kid can handle. Jack once said “You can’t handle the truth.” But maybe they can?

Tell me…do you serve up the truth? How much do you tell?

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